Why I'm Done Doing What Everyone Else Says I Should

Originally published July 25, 2015

In The Skeptic Psychic post I mentioned that my skeptical nature causes me problems sometimes and that I'd elaborate later. Well, this post is going to go over a major part of it.

Like other sensitives, intuitives, psychics, mediums, etc. I'm often confronted with questions like, "How didn't you see that coming?" or "Didn't you know that was going to happen?" or "If you already knew, why did/didn't you do it that way?" Sometimes it's from naysayers. Others who know I'm not full of crap will sincerely wonder these things. Looking at events in my life over the past few years, even I have to wonder if I'm delusional.

Well, the truth is, it's not delusion. It's not even wishful thinking. It's knowing one thing, but putting my trust in something else. It's a common problem among those of us with special gifts; we're taught to put more weight into the larger group - who aren't as sensitive - than our own instincts.

Whenever I've followed my inner knowing, things worked out. Maybe not necessarily the way I wanted them to, but life moved in positive directions. When I listened to everyone around me, despite all their words, opinions, advice, etc. going against my inner knowing, life moved in not so good ways. Sometimes the bad things were quick to pop up. Other times, it was a slow progression that easily goes back to that decision.

Let me give you a few examples.

All through high school, I was drawn to the Army, but told it wasn't for me, that I couldn't do it, I'd hate it, I wouldn't fit in. Blah, blah, blah. It took me a whole year after high school and looking into the military over and over again for me to ditch what everyone told me and just do it. The Army was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sure, that career was cut far shorter than I wanted it to, but at least I got the experiences, skills, and perspectives I needed to become a better person than I was.

College. Oh, college. That's the one everyone insisted I needed to do, even strangers. At the end of high school, I finally listened to that voice that told me it wasn't for me at the time. Good move. Life would have been worse.

But when I got out of the Army, the media and society insisted I wouldn't get a job without a degree (never mind that I was a requested temp with a positive employment outlook as a recently separated service member). I ignored that voice that told me not to do it and pursued a Bachelor of Science in Psychology.

Years later, my writing went from loved to hard to swallow as I couldn't break the academic writing habits outside of work and school, my student debt that I paid on while still in school is skyrocketing without an income to pay any of it back, and I found myself in Colorado employment limbo. I was overqualified for jobs anyone should be able to get. I was under-qualified for jobs the degree was supposed to get me (because I lacked the required experience employers wanted in addition to the degree), and the available jobs in the middle were slim with steep competition from the hundreds to thousands who listened to society (just like me!).

The college one ties in with the house situation. Now, I liked the idea of owning a home. I felt it was a good move. One day. But instead of following that voice that said to give it time to find the perfect one, I bought into the thinking that I had to have it as soon as I had a permanent job. As soon as I came across a house I liked, in a neighborhood that seemed compatible, I jumped on it because that's what I was advised to do if something I liked could even so much as maybe sell before I really thought it through. I even ignored that deep inner feeling that my realtor felt she should be talking me out of it. Instead, I took comfort that my trusty professional would advise me against it if that was best.

Biggest mistake ever. That house was nice. I loved living there. But there were many problems with it. Once my GI Bill money ran out, I quickly became overwhelmed with the cost of the mortgage, taxes, and yard maintenance. Never mind something was always starting to leak or needing replaced. Let's just say that didn't end well. And that particular house would never have been anywhere near my budget if I hadn't gone to college and had that GI Bill safety net when I went house shopping.

(Looking back on the college thing, if I had listened to the inner knowing and waited, I could have switched my GI Bill over to the newer variants they have now. I could be going to college for a more specialized degree, attending a great school, and afford to care for my son without depending on others for support. Damn.)

Don't get me wrong. I had some happy moments during these past few years. And I can tie most of them to following my own inner voice and dancing to my own beat.

Problem is, I got so fed up listening to people telling me what was logically, scientifically, rationally best for me that I dove into the total opposite side of the spectrum. I started listening to people who told me to trust my feelings and desires.

Now if you're the sensitive/psychic type like me, you're likely familiar with this dilemma. Sometimes, the feelings and desires we perceive to be our own really belongs to someone else in our proximity. Likewise, our true feelings and desires don't always match what the inner knowing has to say. So the more people told me to follow my "heart," the worse life seemed to get. Cue bad choices in roommates in an attempt to save my house, an ex who tried to run me in with a sword (oh, make sure I tell you about that one later!), quitting a job and marrying a man who turned out to be a conman, and then staying married to that man when red flags started to pop up.

(If you want to know the truth, the "follow your heart" influences were the typical New Agey types who either have some merchandise or service they want you to buy regardless of its authenticity or are the type who will buy up merchandise and/or services they can't afford even if they don't need them.)

Now this is where the naysayers are quick to tell me I'm delusional if I think I'm psychic. Following my heart clearly didn't do a damned bit of good. True statement. But if I had listened to that inner knowing, the "voices," the instincts that stand outside of what everyone else tells me, outside of wants and desires, outside of romantic dreams, outside of purely skeptical thinking, the choices I made would have been much different. And much better for me.

So I'm done. Past fed up. No more listening to anyone not my instincts. That's not to say I don't care what people have to share or that I'll ignore advice. To the contrary, I'm always open to that. After all, I'm incredibly far from all-knowing. What I'm saying is that from here on out, no more ignoring the inner "voice" when it tells me that there's a different path for me, something's not right, or that guides me to a different decision from the norm.

Now that I've got all that off my chest, what has your experience with listening to others been? Do things work out better when you dance to your own drum? Or when you follow the guidance of others in your life? Do rational choices work out best? Or does following the messages in dreams, visions, readings, or hard-to-describe feelings pave the way to your happiness?